red shoes, red skillet

I’ve had two big blog-worthy topic brewing for a few days now. Originally, I was going to write about trust, but I’m going to write about parents instead–and not because Taniel just wrote about trust.

So, parents. Over the past few years, I’ve come to realize that I’m a lot like  my mom, and only recently did I really realize how similar I am to both parents. It started when I was reading my yearbook messages (thanks guys <3) and I wondered where I developed my personality. I thought about my bad qualities and characteristics, then thought about which ones came from my parents. Up until a few days ago, I thought a persona’s personality was almost entirely their own, shaped by unique experiences and feelings. Now, I’m not so sure. Is personality inherited? I read in a textbook (I used to read my aunt’s old high school textbooks) that people in the 1800s thought personality was inherited, and that shyness and modesty was inherited.

I would like to think that my personality, or at least a great part of it, is my own. But the more I think about my characteristics and compare to them to those of my parents, the more I see how we’re alike. Maybe characteristics aren’t inherited but rubbed off. That makes me feel better. After living with my parents for fourteen years, or even spending time with friends, habits and quirks definitely rub off. I read somewhere recently that when people have a conversation or interact, they tend to imitate (almost unconsciously) the actions of each other. For example, if you were speaking to someone and they folded their arms, you would follow suit shortly after, to create a more comfortable, similar atmosphere. I noticed this when I was talking to Alice recently–she pushed her hair back, and I did the same a few seconds later without even thinking. Ha! This is probably why good friends seem so similar or seem to act the same way. Alice noticed that my cousin Annie and I speak the same way (pitch-wise), which I could agree with since Annie and I have lived together since forever. Okay, gotta get back on track.

My characteristics. I’ll start with the bad ones because those are the ones I definitely share with my parents. I have my mother’s temper. She can be so calm and level-headed in certain situations, but she can also get angry at the drop of a hat. I’ve had people tell me how calm I am, and I guess I have to agree. My mother and I have undying patience when the situation calls for it. And as for the anger? All I can say is that we’re quick to anger I’m almost ashamed of how quickly I get angry and how angry I get.

On a side note, I’m not so sure I should keep going with this dissection of character. You’ll come to know all my bad qualities.

Ugh, of course I’ll go on. It’s 500+ words now, I can’t just STOP.

Here’s a big one: my mother repeats herself. No, not in an OCD-way. I suspect she repeats herself because it reaffirms her opinion and because she’s found a new, better way of saying it. If my mother told me something couldn’t be done, she would tell me twice in a row, and probably three more times after a few minutes. It’s insane. It drives me insane, my brother insane, and now my father insane. He never used to notice until I pointed it out. Anyway, I started noticing this in myself last summer. I would be at a family party and say something twice to a cousin. The repetition would come naturally. And I’ve noticed it when speaking to friends.

I, too, repeat myself to affirm my opinion. and especially if I think of a better way to say it. It’s ridiculous because I hate when my mother does it and would hate if I did it, too. In television series, the daughters are always afraid to become or slow to realize how they’ve become their mothers. I would love to be my mother with certain things, but all her unsavory characteristics rubbed off.

I should start writing about positive things about my mom, because it’s 700 words now and I still have to talk about my dad. You can stop reading if you want, this blog entry is really for me. And I type/write in a stream of consciousness so I rarely ever edit posts like this.

My mom loves shopping, cooking, talking, and being the center of attention.

I like being the center of attention (bless you, who doesn’t?), talking, cooking, and shopping.

My mom’s also dedicated to her job and her patients always end up liking her a lot (she’s a home health aide). I think my mom and I have different personalities for home and work, because I have a wonderful personality and work ethic outside of home, just like her (all glowy and motherly and kind). But we’re incendiary, inflammatory creatures when we’re home. Actually, I think we both thrive in a people-rich enviornment. My mother is bright-eyed and charming when she’s entertaining, and I like to think that I’m bright-eyed and charming when I’m with people.

Wow, my mom and I are so alike. I can probably go on about this and examine every facet of her and myself and see our similarities, but I have to talk about my dad.

My dad is probably where I get my sense of humor from. He’s come up with some famous lines here and there, and he can make some urrrgly funny faces. Well, I’m not surprised about the faces thing–I look like my dad and my brother looks like my mom.

Anyway, my dad is the more intellectual one of the pair. He reads a newspaper every day, and a book once in a while. He enjoys old films and is decent, if not good, at every sport I’ve tried to play with him (my cousins and I were playing volleyball and he comes out of nowhere with bumping and setting! It’s like communist China taught all the kids all the sports, knowing Olympic-sized talent was bound to pop up somewhere!) My dad also loves the outdoors and the ocean, just like me. I love reading and old films, too (although our favorites are different).

That’s the thing. My dad loves culture and being cultured. He’s much more comfortable going to a museum than going shopping. My mom would rather go shopping and “do something” than wander around some museum. LOL I would rather explore a museum and my brother would rather get lost in Best Buy.

I think I get my softy qualities from my dad. My father doesn’t have friends he really keeps contact with, and the only guys he hangs out with are my mom’s brothers and his brothers. I don’t have a set group of friends, and I’ve never had a best friend. I think my dad and I are drifters and too comfortable with our family to want for something else. He’s a lonely guy sometimes, I think. He rarely goes out to hang out, whereas my mom spends almost all her off days with her best friend(s). I don’t think this is a man or woman issue, because I used to never go out. Haha, my dad and I are homebodies. My mom and brother will never stay in the house if they can help it.

I wrote about each of my parents differently. I see them and their relation to me differently, I guess. I’m closer to my father because he talks to and with me, whereas my mom talks at me. I share more interests with my dad and more characteristics with my mom. I think they’ve raised a pretty good hybrid!

Realizing all these shared qualities makes me love my parents more. I can understand why they’re acting a certain way, and I know how I can improve myself and not become my mother. I think I might have lost a few other qualities I had in mind to write about, but whatever. 1300+ words should be enough. Now for questions.

Dissect your personality. Pick out the qualities you see in yourself and your parents. Think about the relation, and how strong each trait is in yourself and them. Think about habits, and forms of expression. You three are a lot more similar than you think.

Next time I’m writing about trust. I hope you guys respond to this, I don’t want my 1400+ stream of consciousness essay to go to waste.

My pawpaw’s brother died last night. My parents went to the hospital again late last night and were home by 10:30. He was already gone by the time they arrived, but my mother’s cousins were there with him. I knew there was a reason for today’s rain, after such lovely sunny days. He’s gone now, and free from the suffering that the cancer caused. bless his heart

It seems I tend to watch Grey’s Anatomy on rainy days or at night. I just finished the new episode, “Where the Wild Things Are.” Every time I watch Grey’s Anatomy, I come away from it thinking. Meredith’s opening and closing monologues make me think. In this episode, she elaborated on inherent differences between humans and animals. And I liked how the episode has a running animal theme–actually, I really liked the episode. The writing was amazing–the dialogue between characters, the plot and subplot, the surgical contest. In this episode, we saw the ugly side of people, whether it was an abundance of pride or a lack of judgment or the inability to get overcome.

I’m glad we have new episodes, I’d forgotten that I watched tv or followed shows.

My parents rushed out of the house this morning to go to the hospital. My pawpaw’s youngest brother is dying of pancreatic cancer. He’d called relatives this morning and they rushed over to say goodbye. But he’s still alive, as I type. My mother told me the doctors said he only has tonight or tomorrow morning, and then he’s gone.

I didn’t know him at all, though. I can’t even remember his face. I’m just shocked that someone in my family has cancer. Someone in my family is dying of cancer.

I remember talking with my boss Paul about family members dying. I was inputting and I mentioned how the upcoming Sunday I’d be going to New Jersey to “hang san” (pay respects to the deceased) for my great-grandfather. Paul told me he’d be going, too. Then I said that I’d be going somewhere else after, and he replied that he spends the whole day there.

It was then that I realized that I’m a very lucky person. I’ve only experienced two deaths in my family up until now, and Paul has a whole day of grave visiting every year. Paul is 32 years old, and I am a little more than half that. It breaks my heart to think of the people that will be dead or dying by the time I am 32.

I know that people die, but I honestly didn’t realize that over the next few decades and for the rest of my life, people will be dying in droves. I have a lot of middle-aged and older relatives. All my life I’ve been a little disappointed at the lack of activity in my life, from weddings to parties to funerals. And now I’m standing at the beachfront, waiting for the tidal wave of wedding and funeral invitations to wash over and consume me, and I can’t walk away.

Time is tickin’

Heya! I”m typing this post from my brother’s laptop in our room at the Westin in downtoan Toronto on some free, kickass wireless. Today is Day 2 of our food vacation and…I think we ate five times today. This morning, we had some crazy dim sum at Casa Imperial, a place that’s basically Linden Place (in Queens) but to the 16th power. Actually, Casa Imperial puts Linden Place to shame with its classyness and subtlety. But the food wasn’t at all great.

After that, we went to the largest Asian mall in North America, Pacific Mall, where we spent hours walking around the very socialist cubicles. There were basically five types of stores: opticals, clothing boutiques, apothecaries, tea/snack places, and cell phone stores. And there were easily 300 little glass cubicles. And everybody sold the same things!

After that, we headed to the T&T Supermarket, which was really awesome since it was so neat and huge and bustling. And it was instantly, absolutely Asian because it had a whole aisle dedicated to vermicelli and a whole aisle for soy sauce.

It’s 9:53 now, whoa.

We drove out to another strip mall (we were in Markham all that time, and Markham is basically a suburban place with beautiful huge houses and strip malls very much like Woodbury Outlets upstate) to meet…my dad’s ex-girlfriend. There’s a whole complicated story there, but we met here, walked around a little, then sat down for a half-lunch at a place called Keung’s. She’s a hairdresser and divorced with one son my brother’s age.

Actually, her son was born May 13th and my brother was born May 31st. And to make matters even more unique, this woman and I share the same birthday, May 18th. AIYA.

I want to stop typing, but I said that I ate about five times today so I better finish relaying all of it to you guys.

At Keung’s, we sat there talking and drinking and catching up. I think we drank through three pots of tea, we were talking for so long.

When we finally left, we left to meet up and go have dinner with a relative. I took a really nice nap while we drove to Chinatown. We arrived and then waited amidst harsh cold and electric trams for our relative. She got there in her orange-haired glory. We headed to the restaurant shortly after and parked in an underground lot.

At the restaurant (hotdamn I forgot to take pictures of the food!) we waited for her daughter Ada (Aida?) and her husband. The first time I met Aida was when she and her mom visited NYC about a year ago.

I really do not want to type this right now, my parents are watching the victory of Ma Ying-Jieu in Taiwan…

MY DAD COULD NOT SLEEP ALL LAST NIGHT ‘CAUSE HE WAS SO ANXIOUS ABOUT THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION…IN TAIWAN.

And we’re mainland Chinese. But hey, it’s important since there are politicians for reunification and politicians against it.

Okay my brother’s breathing down my neck asking me if I’m done yet.

So we had a good dinner and made some conversation about college (they don’t have financial aid over here!) and stuff. We’re going to meet up again tomorrow and yum cha.

OKAY OKAY OKAY I’M LEAVING NOW, GEEZ DAVID.